Liar! Liar! Emotions - Part 3

I am exhausted by my emotions this week. 

No I am defeated…and not by my emotions really but by the lies generating the emotions.

My head is full of lies. 

Yes, I lie to myself –even when I don’t know it. 

These lies begin to work their evil and my unconscious response is an emotion. The emotion rises to the surface and I feel it. Often I do not know why I am feeling it until I check in and try to figure out the root cause. This search brings me face to face with a lie.

But where do the lies come from? How are they created?

Several professional authors and counselors that I have read and listened to say some of these lies start back when we were young and can be labeled as core beliefs. These “core beliefs” are facts that we believe about ourselves according to what others told us or taught us. I also think these lies/beliefs come from a combination of my sin nature, messages I receive from media/movies/television, comparing myself with my friends and family and of course, Satan working his evil in my mind, trying to knock me off the path toward Christ.

“Be self controlled and alert. You enemy, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith…” 1 Peter 5:8&9a

Sometimes it can be days before I realize I have begun to believe a lie about myself or my circumstances. 

Months even. 

Definitely years. 

I believed several lies about myself for about 30 years before a dedicated counseling friend brought me to the brink of reality and gently opened my emotional and spiritual eyes.

What are some of the lies you and I believe? Here is a sampling…

“There is really nothing good about me. I am dumb, ugly and worthless.”

“No one would really love me for who I am. I must earn love.”

“My kid’s behavior shows whether I am a good or bad mom.”

“My house should be picked up and clean most of the time.”

“It is VERY important for people to like me.”

“I need to look like the women in the magazines and on TV.”

“It is a sign of weakness to ask for help.”

“If I am not the best at something, it is not worth even trying.”

“My kids need to be involved in lots of activities or they will miss out and not be well adjusted.”

“I cannot be overweight because people will think less of me.”

“My husband won’t love me if I can’t keep the house and kids under control.”

“If I am not attractive and taking care of myself, my husband will let his eyes look elsewhere.”

“God doesn’t really care about the little details of my life.”

“I am a failure.”

“Nobody really likes me.”

Several heavy emotions are tied to each one of these lies. Can you even imagine what condition you would be in if you believed all these lies and carried all those emotions?

Many of us do it all the time. 

This is what I discovered this week when I found myself exhausted emotionally. I had begun to believe some awful lies about myself again. Those old companions from the past had crept back into my mind.

We are not meant to bear these emotionally charged burdens. 

In the same passage as above, Peter says, “Humble yourselves, therefore under God’s mighty hand that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6&7)

What I have found helpful when faced with my own lies is to search for the counter truth in scripture that will cause those lies to dissolve and disappear. 

John 8:31&32 says, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”

I need freedom from the lies. We all need freedom. True freedom is only found through Christ Jesus.

Search scripture for the truth! The truth will set you free!

What is the truth about how, when or even “if” God loves me?

What is the truth about what God has called me to do as a wife/mother?

What is the truth about my self worth and usefulness to society?

What is the truth about my role in my marriage?

All these answers can be found in the Bible. We need to be reading it enough to find those truths. Then when we come face to face with the lies (and the Liar) we can counter attack with Truth and be set Free!

This is good work and will result in great forward motion toward becoming a healthier person! You are worth it!  FREEDOM is worth it!

SO WHAT!?

You have probably guessed what today’s homework entails.

1. Check in with yourself and listen carefully for the lies lurking behind the emotions are you are feeling. Identify as many lies as possible.

For example:

You are saying to yourself, “I just can’t keep up with all of this housework! I feel so frustrated and overwhelmed!”

After some thought…Lie identified: “I am not a good mom/wife unless my house is clean all of the time for my family.” This lie has several facets. Obviously it is good to clean your house and do your best to keep things picked up and manageable, but to become overly upset and angry about the situation that you are depressed, defeated and/or lashing out at children or husband is a warning sign that keeping a clean house has become more than just a chore. It has become a belief. This lie could also be tied to “I am worthless.” “I can’t do anything right.” Pick the whole situation apart until you get to ALL of the ugly lies then counter them with truth.

2. Search the scriptures to find the truths to counter the lies. Meditate on those scriptural truths. In the past I had made a list of my lies and the counter truths. I have found that over the years, the lies have changed and so the counter truths need to also. 

Example continued:Truth from scripture

You say: I am not worthless.

The Bible says: “I am God’s workmanship…” Ephesians 2:10. “God so loved the world, (me) that he gave his only Son…” John 3:16.

You say: I can do things right.

The Bible says: “I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me...” Philippians 1:6. When I do things wrong I can learn and grow and change for the better.

Keep working on it! If you are like me, some of these lies have been with you for a LONG time and may take some time to excavate your heart. Your freedom is at stake. Keep up the good work!

I pray that God gives you some quiet moments this week to reflect and work through these lies.

There are so many books and authors that I could point you to about lies. I hesitate to do so because I think the first place we need to start is with THE BOOK, the Holy Bible. Get your hands on His inspired Holy Word today. If you need help processing through some of those lies or situations, contact me! I would love to hear your story. We can learn together.

You can always check out what I have been reading by going to the blog website and browsing my bookshelf on the right hand side. Very eclectic! Enjoy!

Warning! Warning! - Emotions Part 2

We are in a series on Emotions. If you missed Part 1 on Checking in - you can read it here.

As we continue in the series, I want to introduce you to something called the emotional dashboard.

Picture the dashboard of your car.

There are several gauges, dials, lights, and so on. When your car is running these gages and dials light up and whirr to life. They tell you several things about what is going on with your car – positive or negative. They indicate when your gas tank is full, your engine is hot, your turn signal is on and when your oil is low. There are also special lights and signals that come on indicating a crisis. I cringe when the check engine light comes on. This typically means huge bills at the mechanic or impending vehicular death.

Our emotional dashboard functions much like a car's dashboard. There are gauges measuring joy and sorrow, stress and peace. There are dials that rise and fall with anger. There are warning lights that come on with fear and distrust. There are mileage meters counting how many times we have felt certain emotions before and memory chips recalling how we handled them in the past.

By God’s grace we even have a check engine light that comes on and flashes in urgency.

 “Check your heart!” –it flashes. “There is impending doom on the horizon. Get to a mechanic IMMEDIATELY!”

As a Christ follower I have found that often other groups of Christ followers are not sure what to do with emotions in their lives. Emotions often get a bad rap. We are instructed to not trust them or pay any attention to them. Sometimes the hidden message is that certain emotions are somehow evil or sinful and we should not be feeling them.

There has been a lot of guilt and self condemnation in my life over certain emotions I found welling up in my heart. I was never taught how to appropriately feel my emotions and process through them in a healthy way so I did what I knew how to do – I didn’t show them at all. I stuffed them down inside. The problem with stuffing is that a person can only hold so much emotion. Imagine a teddy bear being stuffed with cottony white stuffing. That little bear can only hold so much. If he continues to have stuffing shoved down inside of him, what do you think will happen? His seams pull, he unravels, leaks stuffing, and is ruined.

Have you ever met someone that no matter what the conversation piece they had something negative or biting to say about it? On the contrary have you ever met someone who no matter the conversation piece they had something positive to say and seemed to be brimming over with joy and enthusiasm? It is the same thing. They are both overflowing with emotion – just one is expressing and acting out on an emotion we typically view as negative and one is acting out on a positive emotion.

I have found in my studies that the Bible is full of emotions and people expressing emotions. Emotions themselves are neither good nor bad. They are neutral. They are our feelings about someone or something. The focus should not be on the emotion itself, but on what we do with those emotions. It is in the acting out and the reacting to the emotions that can get us into trouble. We will have emotions and feelings. We are human. What we do with them is key.

This is where our emotional dashboard comes in.

If we are paying attention to our dashboard we will not be surprised by any emotions creeping up on us. It would not make sense for me to wake up one morning in a panic attach over work if I had been watching my stress meter on my dashboard and been taking appropriate pre-cautions to release the pressure of that stress in my life.

Same with anger. I should not be having angry outbursts at my children and everyone around me if I have been keeping tabs on my anger gauge on my dashboard and talking to a friend over coffee about the frustrations in my life.

Sometimes we do crash at the expense of someone else’s behavior. THIS- our dashboard cannot warn us about. In these instances we do our best to watch the dashboard for high emotion levels and indicators of any new emotions we need to keep tabs on. We may need to visit a “mechanic” to help us understand these new flashing lights. We may need to spend some extra time with the “Ultimate Mechanic” allowing Him to show us new release valves and broken parts that need to be fixed.

Being aware of the emotions is the first step toward health. Emotions are a part of life. We will have and carry the gamut of them. You have found this out if you have started checking in with yourselves.

Emotions are okay. It is what you do with them that makes the difference. You can pen them up and let the pen explode when it is too full. You can diffuse them by sharing them with a friend or spouse. You can process and work through them by identifying why you are feeling them in the first place, (See Checking in).

Emotions were evil to me in the past. A lie that told me I was not spiritual enough to handle my life.

Now I am thankful for my emotions because they tell me so much about myself and what is going on in my life. I look at my dashboard often and determine what action steps I need to take to keep the gauges in normal range. Sometimes this means a difficult conversation with Husband or a friend. Sometimes this means a walk around the neighborhood to unwind and cool my jets. Sometimes this means scheduling an appointment with my counselor to have him help me work through what I am missing in the big picture. All great responses  if they move me forward toward health.

SO WHAT?? Application time. Take a few minutes to journal through these questions. These action steps could make your day! Grab your journal, laptop, iPad or whatever you want to write on.

1. Write down the top 3 emotions you are you feeling most strongly right now? Remember these can be positive feelings or negative feelings. Identify reasons for each of these emotions? If you are having trouble, pray for the Lord to help you see your circumstances clearly so you can identify. Now write.

2. Each time you feel some strong emotions, picture your dashboard. The dashboard moves you toward action. Write down what action steps you can take TODAY to deal with your top 3.

3. Journal about how taking these action steps made you feel. Did you feel better? Did you feel worse? Were you able to bless someone with your positive emotional outpouring (sending a card, buying a gift, verbally lifting them up)? Were you able to work through some heavier emotions today –maybe grief, sorrow, anger, betrayal –by journaling, taking a walk, sharing or praying with a friend?

4. Send some feedback for all of us to benefit from. Leave a reply at the end of the blog. I would love to hear about your dashboard experiences.  We can all learn from each other! Take action to make your day better one step at a time. 

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