Even Though I Walk Through the Valley

As I round the bend toward home I see #3 and #4 child sitting on the front steps waiting for their mama to return. Pieces of paper in their hands indicate news. They spot me, jump up excitedly –wildly waving said pieces of paper. As they run toward the van I can hear them through the closed windows, “We got our teachers! We got our teachers!”

One child, face beaming with delight and excitement. The other child, face downcast, dejected, eyes threatening to spill over with hot tears. One received her desired teacher of choice and can’t wait for the first day. The other received the teacher we were asking the Lord to withhold and stomach knots have already formed, tears now spilling, small frail child climbing up in my lap as I stay seated in the driver seat.

We prayed this would not happen – the unwanted teacher. The broken heart. The difficult, fretful start to a new school year.

Later that evening the news comes of a friend’s young adult son dying tragically in an accident. Thrown from the car. Dead on arrival.

Another friend on another day confused in a foggy depression. Months of struggle. Unemployment, health problems, marriage tension.

Yet another- sharing news, trembling, that the bundle of joy in her womb is now still, silent, no more … again. Her second one in less than a year.

The Pastor and the church are doing this Psalm reading thing. Read 5 Psalms a day. The whole church – tracking together. The morning sermon was on Psalm 23. So familiar yet still new and still meeting needs.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”

Pain all around. Deep sorrow. Piercing grief. Fearful agony. 

An insecure friend fighting her own demons of doubt and unworthiness.

A wife’s premonition that her husband is less than faithful.

A teen’s betrayal by a close friend who chooses others over her time and time again.

A heart weary of doing the good everyday… pressing on… waiting in hope.

After the sermon a time to come forward and pray. First the broken mother and father of the dead  son – coming for hugs, prayer and support, tears flowing. Mother motions toward the 3 other rows of friends and family who accompanied them to church in honor and love. Family after family file up to the front until there is a massive mob of arms holding each other on the outside rim keeping the bodies together. Intermittently through the invitation song an arm or hand here or there breaks free and points up to heaven praising the one who walks with them in the valley. Giving glory to Him, all present, all knowing, who comforts.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for you are with me…”

Maybe we had it all wrong – Maybe I had it all wrong.

Praying for a different teacher –praying against this one. We were also praying for the “right” teacher. The teacher that God thought our child needed.

Maybe that is what he delivered.  Maybe this IS what she needs.

Can my child “fear no evil for [God is with her]?” “[God’s] rod and [His] staff they comfort [her]?” 

She will have to make the choice to accept it. This is her valley. A huge voluminous valley when viewed by 9 year old eyes. This feels like life and death. Her response and attitude will set the pace and course for her year. I pray she feels her Savior’s arms wrapped tightly around her little frame as she walks into class that first day.

And my friend with her mob of family and friends – she is already walking securely with her Savior – leaning heavily on him during her own first dark days with the empty seat at the family table.  The missing hugs and laughter at the holidays.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.“ James 1:2

God sees the big picture. These trials and tragedies are part of the larger plan to grow us into stronger children of the King.

Psalm 23 has widened the canvas of my thinking. 

“His rod and his staff, they comfort me.” The rod and staff are used for correction and guidance to keep us on course and away from the wrong path.

These are hard lessons to learn. Heart wrenching lessons of looking intently at the mirror of His Word –walking through the tragedy with Him - and coming away changed. 

The empty womb. The empty bank account. The dark morning depression. What then?

“Even though I walk…” “Consider it pure joy…” “I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” “…they comfort me.”