Sometimes Life Stinks

God works in ways that I don’t understand. That’s a good thing.

His ways are higher than my ways. That is a relief. 

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9

But then life happens. 

Circumstances.

Everything looks like doom and gloom. Stress and crisis.  Hurt with no healing. 

Sometimes, I struggle to see God’s hand in my circumstances. I no longer hear His voice whisper to my soul. I feel lost and confused.

But then the light breaks through and I see Him in the actions of a loving friend or I hear Him in the words of an encouraging coworker. A ray of sunshine beaming through the dense dark clouds. 

It is God personified giving me the tight embrace I was longing for. The assurance of His presence. He is here. He does care.

It is God reaching down to one of his daughters to say, “Press on child. I am not finished yet. You can make it. This will not crush you. I am holding you in the palm of my hand. Safe and secure. I am here.”

Did you see the sunbeam? That was for you. 

Did you hear me in the kind words? That was for you. 

Did you feel the love in the action? That was really from me to say “I’ve got this. It’s okay.”

I’m the kind of person who can get her brain in a tizzy rather quickly when the day begins to escape me. I feel the loosening of my grip when events, attitudes and details begin to slip. 

Detail oriented, yes. Control freak, sometimes. 

I remember a season of life recently where circumstances developed to a frenzied state beyond anything I could have imagined. My grip of control became a mute point. The carpet was literally yanked out from under my feet. There was crisis at every turn.

Children with school issues. Tight finances and needed expenses. Thick marriage tension. Sudden death in the family. Leadership turnover in the workplace. Despair lurking around every corner. Depression tempting me to take the plunge.

I was in a pit looking up at shovelful after dark shovelful of heavy dirt cascading down on me. I stood empty handed, mouth gaping, in utter disbelief.   

Seriously. How much does God think I can handle? 

Darkness. Silence. Solidtude.

Oh… yes. I forgot… I can’t handle any of it. That is why HE is here.

My life is not my own. I was "bought at a price". My life has been dedicated to God for his greater purposes. I lay it down daily, hourly, sometimes moment by moment. 

Each new day is another opportunity for my waking prayer to be, “As You wish.”

In the 1988 film, “The Princess Bride”, the hero, Wesley, responds to each request of his beloved Buttercup, with the words, “As you wish.”

What if that is how I responded to every request from the Lord -or every circumstance he allowed to come my way?

“As You wish, Father. Your way is best. Always.”   

Sometimes I still find myself surprised, dishearten, and even depressed with my circumstances. I need to remember that He is in control.  I have given my day, my year and ultimately my life to him.  

If this is what he deems as the road conditions for my journey, then I accept.

I accept less than perfect children. 

I accept the painful struggle toward a healthier marriage. 

I accept the financial situations that test my trust in God’s provision.  

I accept the early death of my father. 

I accept the difficult transition at work.

As you wish, Lord. As you wish.

You Lord, see the whole road with its hills and valleys. You see the joys and the sorrows.

You see how much I will learn and grow if I persevere in trust through each challenging day. 

You see when I need a sunbeam on a cloudy day or a word of encouragement for my thirsty soul.

You see …and You gladly provide.