Take Back Your Thoughts

“I am so stupid!” 

“We just can’t catch a break.”

“I always get the raw end of the deal!”

“Nobody likes me.”

Have you ever caught yourself thinking these kinds of thoughts? Maybe they have actually slipped from your lips in a moment of exasperation.

Do you wonder why you feel the way you do emotionally on any given day? Or maybe you wonder what life is going to throw at you next and whether you can handle it?

Me too... but not anymore. 

As you now know I am training to become a Nutritional Therapy Consultant. I hope to pair this knowledge with the training I already have on life coaching. In my continual effort to stay current on coaching and therapy methods I have recently come across a model that made so much sense to me. My thought process clicked into place and I could see clearly how it all played out. This has made a huge difference in helping me dissect my thinking and change it for the better.

The basic model is set up like this.

Let me walk you through it.

Our life circumstances are the things that happens to us. For example, a car accident, sick kids, weather, company layoffs, or a spouse leaving us. We cannot create our circumstances.

Circumstances are different than life course decisions; mindful decisions to leave a job, have a child, get married or move to a new place. We have complete control over life decisions but not the circumstances that happen to us.

We do, however, need to process these circumstances. This is where the next step comes in: Thoughts.

We have thoughts about our circumstances. These thoughts are the statements in your head that sometimes slip out of our mouths. They can be positive or negative; true or false. 

These thoughts then cause feelings within us.

Feelings (different than thoughts) are not positive or negative; true or false. They are a light on the dashboard  of our lives telling us what is going on in our minds (thoughts).  You can read more about the emotional dashboard in this previous blog. Our feelings are Clue #2.

Once we are feeling something we act on those feelings and our behavior exhibits outwardly what is going on inwardly. Our actions are Clue #1. The clue numbers are reversed and you will see why in a moment.

All of these steps lead us to a result where we find ourselves saying derogatory statements under our breath and acting out in ways that are detrimental to ourselves and possibly those around us.

Maybe a recent argument with a spouse or child left you distant and not talking.  A bad day at work led you to the local hang out after work drowning your sorrows.  A failed attempt to lose weight found you moping on the couch with a bowl of ice cream mindlessly bingeing on Netflix. 

These are examples of actions and their results.

Think of a situation in your life where you have acted out because of how you felt. Take a look at your result and start walking the process backwards.

What actions led to the result?

When you think about the action what feelings surface?

When you center on those feelings what thoughts start popping up in your head about yourself and your circumstances.

STOP there! Can you pinpoint your thought? What was the specific thought that started this whole domino effect? That thought came as a result of some circumstance in your life – but you can’t change your circumstances (past or present). You CAN CHANGE your thoughts about them.  These thoughts caused the feelings that led to the action?

Once you can pinpoint the specific thought, evaluate it. 

Is it a keeper? Probably not. Delete it! Toss it! Throw it out. It’s garbage pickup day for the mind. Put it to the curb!

It is not serving you.  It’s enslaving you!

Change the thought to a truer, healthier thought. Maybe the thought was true but had a negative spin on it. Change it to have a positive spin.

Here are some examples.

THOUGHT: “I am a bad mom.”

HEALTHY THOUGHT: “I blew up at my son, but I know I am not a bad mom. I will revisit that conversation and try to explain myself more calmly and work with him to create a better solution.”

THOUGHT: “I hate my job.”

HEALTHY THOUGHT: “I had a bad day. I was already tired. Then I spilled my coffee in the car. I just had a bad start. I really like my job. Maybe I could try to go to bed earlier to feel more rested and not need so much coffee! That would be genius!”

THOUGHT: “I am fat and will always be fat.”

HEALTHY THOUGHT: “I could stand to lose a few pounds. I don’t know if this new diet is right for me. I can’t stand how hungry I am all the time. I just want some good tasting food and to feel full. I think I’ll do some more research about a balanced way to do this with real food."

Now the dominoes can fall and have a better result for you mentally and physically.

These negative unhealthy thoughts wreak havoc on your emotional, physical, spiritual and relational health. You have the power to change them!

Now you have the opportunity to take back your mind, feelings and actions which will turn into much better results! 

Print the model chart above and hang it somewhere to remind you of this process. You do not need to be a slave in bondage to your thoughts and feelings. Start TODAY by confronting your own feelings and work backwards to adjust those thoughts!

I am so excited for you to find the awesome change this can make in your daily lives. Just knowing you have a choice to control these aspects of your life is so freeing!

If you have an example of how this process helped you, please share in the comments. We would all love to hear from you and be encouraged!

From one healthier wife to a host of other healthier friends, have a wonderful, mindful day!

Blog Revival!

I know…I know… why are you seeing this blog in your email??? Wow. Blast from the past –right?

So I haven’t posted in almost  4 years.

A lot has happened. I really didn’t fall off the face of the earth.

I have grown and changed a million times since then.  In short this is what the last four years have held:

A journey to the Adirondack Mountains that led to

o   Husband’s job change

o   New ministry – bi-vocational jobs

o   Family move

o   My job change

o   Kid’s new schools

o   Several trips to TX and Mexico to build and orphanage

o   First born’s HS graduation and college start

o   2 teenage drivers

o   2 junior high daughters

o   Husband’s trip to archaeology dig in Israel

o   Paradigm shifts on several levels

o   Me going back to school – Wait! What?

Toto we are not in Kansas anymore!!!

Nope. We are in the woods of the mountains and on different paths than we ever thought possible. We thought leaving everything in the city to come to the mountains was the grand adventure but God keeps opening new doors and asking us to walk through…so we are. And we are excited and honored to do so.

This blog was generally focused on the lessons I was learning as I was healing my marriage and in some aspects it may continue serving that purpose from time to time. However I would like to branch out from the marital health realm and include emotional, nutritional, physical and spiritual wellness to this blog.  All of these fall under the umbrella of “a healthy wife” – or husband, child, family member, friend, etc. At some point I may need to change the name of the blog but for now it’s all good.

One step at a time.

I want to catch you up to speed.
I am launching out on an adventure of my own and have enrolled in an online nutritional therapy program to become certified to use nutrition as a way to achieve level of wellness. This is ground breaking territory and I am super excited to use my 10 plus years of personal research and experimentation to help others find a better quality of life – whether physically, emotionally or spiritually.

Will you join me on my journey? Some of you are new to my blog and can sign up to receive them in your inbox. Thank you if you do!

Maybe you don’t want the wellness part but want to keep up with me. That’s cool too. Thank you.  I look forward to hearing from you.

The rest of you are well worn traveling companions. We’ve been on this road a while. I hope you stay the course. There are greater things up ahead around the bend. Watch for them.

Posts may come at random but there will be a Wellness Wednesday post where I will share with you some new tidbits of what I am learning so you can be in the know and make choices that better your life too! Small steps can lead to a whole new life.

Watch for the next post.

Until then take care of yourself, be thankful and hug your family. (or kiss your husband -Ha!)