As I round the bend toward home I see #3 and #4 child
sitting on the front steps waiting for their mama to return. Pieces of paper in
their hands indicate news. They spot me, jump up excitedly –wildly waving said
pieces of paper. As they run toward the van I can hear them through the closed
windows, “We got our teachers! We got our teachers!”
One child, face beaming with delight and excitement. The other
child, face downcast, dejected, eyes threatening to spill over with hot tears.
One received her desired teacher of choice and can’t wait for the first day.
The other received the teacher we were asking the Lord to withhold and stomach
knots have already formed, tears now spilling, small frail child climbing up in
my lap as I stay seated in the driver seat.
We prayed this would not happen – the unwanted teacher. The
broken heart. The difficult, fretful start to a new school year.
Later that evening the news comes of a friend’s young adult son
dying tragically in an accident. Thrown from the car. Dead on arrival.
Another friend on another day confused in a foggy depression.
Months of struggle. Unemployment, health problems, marriage tension.
Yet another- sharing news, trembling, that the bundle of joy
in her womb is now still, silent, no more … again. Her second one in less than
a year.
The Pastor and the church are doing this Psalm reading thing.
Read 5 Psalms a day. The whole church – tracking together. The morning sermon
was on Psalm 23. So familiar yet still new and still meeting needs.
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of
death…”
Pain all around. Deep sorrow. Piercing grief. Fearful agony.
An insecure friend fighting her own demons of doubt and
unworthiness.
A wife’s premonition that her husband is less than faithful.
A teen’s betrayal by a close friend who chooses others over
her time and time again.
A heart weary of doing the good everyday… pressing on…
waiting in hope.
After the sermon a time to come forward and pray. First the
broken mother and father of the dead son
– coming for hugs, prayer and support, tears flowing. Mother motions toward the
3 other rows of friends and family who accompanied them to church in honor and love.
Family after family file up to the front until there is a massive mob of arms
holding each other on the outside rim keeping the bodies together.
Intermittently through the invitation song an arm or hand here or there breaks
free and points up to heaven praising the one who walks with them in the
valley. Giving glory to Him, all present, all knowing, who comforts.
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of
death I will fear no evil, for you are with me…”
Maybe we had it all wrong – Maybe I had it all wrong.
Praying for a different teacher –praying against this one.
We were also praying for the “right” teacher. The teacher that God thought our
child needed.
Maybe that is what he delivered. Maybe this IS what she needs.
Can my child “fear no evil for [God is with her]?” “[God’s]
rod and [His] staff they comfort [her]?”
She will have to make the choice to
accept it. This is her valley. A huge voluminous valley when viewed by 9 year
old eyes. This feels like life and death. Her response and attitude will set
the pace and course for her year. I pray she feels her Savior’s arms wrapped
tightly around her little frame as she walks into class that first day.
And my friend with her mob of family and friends – she is
already walking securely with her Savior – leaning heavily on him during her
own first dark days with the empty seat at the family table. The missing hugs and laughter at the holidays.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials
of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops
perseverance.“ James 1:2
God sees the big picture. These trials and tragedies are
part of the larger plan to grow us into stronger children of the King.
Psalm 23 has widened the canvas of my thinking.
“His rod and
his staff, they comfort me.” The rod and staff are used for correction and guidance to
keep us on course and away from the wrong path.
These are hard lessons to learn. Heart wrenching lessons of
looking intently at the mirror of His Word –walking through the tragedy with
Him - and coming away changed.
The empty womb. The empty bank account. The dark morning
depression. What then?
“Even though I walk…” “Consider it pure joy…” “I will fear
no evil, for you are with me.” “…they comfort me.”
