Sometimes Life Stinks

God works in ways that I don’t understand. That’s a good thing.

His ways are higher than my ways. That is a relief. 

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9

But then life happens. 

Circumstances.

Everything looks like doom and gloom. Stress and crisis.  Hurt with no healing. 

Sometimes, I struggle to see God’s hand in my circumstances. I no longer hear His voice whisper to my soul. I feel lost and confused.

But then the light breaks through and I see Him in the actions of a loving friend or I hear Him in the words of an encouraging coworker. A ray of sunshine beaming through the dense dark clouds. 

It is God personified giving me the tight embrace I was longing for. The assurance of His presence. He is here. He does care.

It is God reaching down to one of his daughters to say, “Press on child. I am not finished yet. You can make it. This will not crush you. I am holding you in the palm of my hand. Safe and secure. I am here.”

Did you see the sunbeam? That was for you. 

Did you hear me in the kind words? That was for you. 

Did you feel the love in the action? That was really from me to say “I’ve got this. It’s okay.”

I’m the kind of person who can get her brain in a tizzy rather quickly when the day begins to escape me. I feel the loosening of my grip when events, attitudes and details begin to slip. 

Detail oriented, yes. Control freak, sometimes. 

I remember a season of life recently where circumstances developed to a frenzied state beyond anything I could have imagined. My grip of control became a mute point. The carpet was literally yanked out from under my feet. There was crisis at every turn.

Children with school issues. Tight finances and needed expenses. Thick marriage tension. Sudden death in the family. Leadership turnover in the workplace. Despair lurking around every corner. Depression tempting me to take the plunge.

I was in a pit looking up at shovelful after dark shovelful of heavy dirt cascading down on me. I stood empty handed, mouth gaping, in utter disbelief.   

Seriously. How much does God think I can handle? 

Darkness. Silence. Solidtude.

Oh… yes. I forgot… I can’t handle any of it. That is why HE is here.

My life is not my own. I was "bought at a price". My life has been dedicated to God for his greater purposes. I lay it down daily, hourly, sometimes moment by moment. 

Each new day is another opportunity for my waking prayer to be, “As You wish.”

In the 1988 film, “The Princess Bride”, the hero, Wesley, responds to each request of his beloved Buttercup, with the words, “As you wish.”

What if that is how I responded to every request from the Lord -or every circumstance he allowed to come my way?

“As You wish, Father. Your way is best. Always.”   

Sometimes I still find myself surprised, dishearten, and even depressed with my circumstances. I need to remember that He is in control.  I have given my day, my year and ultimately my life to him.  

If this is what he deems as the road conditions for my journey, then I accept.

I accept less than perfect children. 

I accept the painful struggle toward a healthier marriage. 

I accept the financial situations that test my trust in God’s provision.  

I accept the early death of my father. 

I accept the difficult transition at work.

As you wish, Lord. As you wish.

You Lord, see the whole road with its hills and valleys. You see the joys and the sorrows.

You see how much I will learn and grow if I persevere in trust through each challenging day. 

You see when I need a sunbeam on a cloudy day or a word of encouragement for my thirsty soul.

You see …and You gladly provide.

A New You = A Healthy Wife!

A New You = A Healthy Wife!

Of course I would never set out to start a blog, name it A Healthy Wife, and write about healthy wifey things sounding holier than thou because all you other wives need to get your acts together and I am the healthiest wife.

Not a chance!

No, I am NOT on a rant because I received negative feedback from a reader and need to set the story straight.

I AM on a soapbox because I want to make sure I clearly share my heart with my readers.

God, through his providence and grace has allowed my husband and I to experience an “extreme mercy” on His behalf. There are many small stories of grace and mercy along the way, but the extreme part came with a moral failure. This failure led to devastation in our marriage, ministry, family/friends, health, reputation, and work.

After intense molding and shaping on the Potter’s wheel, I am passionate about supporting other hurting women in similar circumstances. I write from my heart and my experiences -with the hope that something I write may encourage or spur another woman forward in her quest for emotional and relational health. 

The heartfelt mission behind “A Healthy Wife” blog is to create a supportive community among hurting women and share that there is freedom and healing available through a relationship with Jesus Christ.

There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus Christ, alone, saved out marriage.

Did we have to do a lot of soul searching and gut wrenching work? YES. Years worth and it continues on.

Did we hate each other at times?

Were we separated?

Did we put our therapist’s kids through a few years of college with all the fees we paid for counseling?

Yes, yes, and probably yes.

Did the hope that we found in Christ and his offer of second chance redemption give us enough of a spark to press on toward a “someday” trust again, “someday” heal these wounds?

Definitely, Yes. 

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waves roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.” Psalm 46:1-3

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Hebrews 6:19a

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” 

Hebrews 10: 23, 24

If it were not for Christ in our own hearts and lives we would not be where we are today. God gave us the ability to do all of the hard work required to begin healing our broken marriage.

I will never claim that our marriage or any marriage is completely healed. Every relationship we have is a process – a continuing journey toward better health and deeper communication and intimacy.

Sorry to pop anyone’s bubble, but no one ever completely “arrives” here on Earth. When we reach heaven we will be as complete as possible.

“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” I Corinthians 13:12

My heart is so full with the hope of healing for others who are struggling as wives and mothers. There is so much hope and promise in a relationship with Christ.

A “relationship with Jesus” may sound weird to those who are not familiar with those phrases, but it is as easy as this:

Admit that you have no control over your own life. You do bad things and need a higher power to help you stop doing these “sins”. Jesus is that higher power and he alone can save you.

Jesus said in the Bible, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father (God) except through me.” John 14:6

The Bible also says, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 6:23

All humans are in this “sin” dilemma and need forgiveness.

Believe that Jesus Christ came to Earth to pay the penalty for your sins by giving his life for yours. He then was resurrected and returned to heaven where you will be with him forever when you die.

“But God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 

“For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 3:23.

“Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures.” I Corinthians 15:3,4

“Believe on the Lord Jesus and you will be saved.” Acts 16:31

We all have a sin debt and Jesus paid it with his life. If you believe that he really did pay that debt you are FULLY forgiven and made new. Jesus is the only one who can fill the empty hole you have in your heart.

Commit to now live your new life by God’s direction and in obedience to God.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

My relationship with Jesus Christ has made the biggest difference in who I am today. I would not have survived the pain of my broken marriage and life without Him carrying me through. If you have made this decision today or would like to talk more about this – please leave a comment on the blog post or privately email me at pandshuber@gmail.com. It would be my pleasure to connect with you.

After making this decision it is really important that you find a group of other Bible believing people in your area. You may have to search the Internet to find a good church that you can attend. Growing and learning with other people who believe the Bible is very important. You will also need to get a copy of the Holy Bible and begin reading it. I would recommend starting in the section called “John”. There are many versions of the Bible out there. If you have a choice I would recommend an easy to read version of the Bible known as the New International Version or NIV for short. All of the verses in this post were taken from that version.

With a Bible in hand and a church to attend you will be well on your way to growing and healing. 

Husband Prayers

I am praying for my husband.  Not selfish prayers- for my benefit, but hopeful prayers- for his benefit.

I am praying that God develops in him the qualities that He wants. I have a few ideas, but ultimately I want God to mold and shape him into what he laid out at the foundations of creation.

I pray for courage and confidence to flourish and take root inside a man who has come to the brink of emotional and spiritual destruction at the hands of a self inflicted addiction. I pray for God to show Himself as the God of second chances and victory. Healing and redemption are gifts waiting to be given with divine anticipation and gracious love. I pray for freedom from old habits and patterns of thinking that lead to self deception and foothold lies.

Honesty and humility are the twin sisters of courage and confidence. He will need courage to be honest and a Christ empowered inner-confidence to drive the wisdom behind humility. Honesty to live in the light and fully engage the sin nature he fights against. He is a new creature. The old has gone. The new has come. God grant him the grace and strength to grow into his new skin. 

Humility to stay in that awareness that we are but dust and by God’s grace He allows us to change, grow and minister to others. Humility that at any moment, without full dependence on Christ, we can make choices that destroy years of progress and healing.

I pray God leads him on a path that intersects with the paths of others he can benefit from; others who will speak truth and wisdom into his life.  I pray he has ears to hear his Shepherd and desires to follow His directions. I pray he has eyes to see the hand of his Savior moving in his life throughout the day and be encouraged. I pray his heart is bowed low before his God in humble submission to his will at all times. I pray he is willing to keep doing the hard work, the gut wrenching, brutally honest, soul surgery before his Creator that is mind-blowing and painful in the moment, but spiritually transformative for Kingdom purposes. God has such a great plan for all of us but can work mightily through those who take on courage from the power of God, maintain confidence in what Christ can do through them, remain honest about their own depravity and keep humble in their total need for a Savior.   

If my husband stays right before God he will become the husband I need as well as the father our children need. I can pray toward that end.

A few scriptures to pray for our husbands:

“I thank my God every time I remember you.” Philippians 1:4

“…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 1:6

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” II Corinthians 5:17

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  I Peter 5:7,8

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.” I Corinthians 16:13,14

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”  Ephesians 6:10-12

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